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Dan Breaks Another Blockbuster
Rather Blather
By Doogie

 
Tall Tale Texan

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Feb. 12, 2005 - Doogie has become aware that noted blowhard and self-caricature Dan Rather is up to his old tricks. He seems to have broken another “blockbuster” about George W. Bush and anabolic steroids. First we should review some earlier bogus headlines spawned by the Tall Tale Texan.
 

1. The Titanic Disaster proven to be caused by Arab Terrorists.

2. The Lindbergh baby found alive and well.

3. Rock Hudson is suffering from malaria.

4. A.I.D.S. shown to be caused by the Amyl Nitrate gay men use.

5. John Kennedy Jr. completes trans-Atlantic flight to Paris.

6. Mary Tyler Moore is proud of her son Michael Moore.

7. Princess Diana unhurt in Paris car crash.

8. Hook Man terrorizes Phoenixville.

9. Jerry Pennacoli relieved of Rectal Rodent.

10. Lance Armstrong has his testicles removed to improve bicycle seat comfort.

11. Challenger disaster caused by a car bomb.

12. Congressional hearings order Lewinski to reblow Clinton on the Senate floor.

13. Mother Theresa sent to Hell in afterlife mix-up.

14. Pope John is pro-choice, pro-condom, pro lesbian.

15. Government hires Andrea Yates as a water safety consultant.

16. O.J. Simpson hired by Iraqi insurgents as a head removal consultant.

17. Dewey beats Truman for the presidency.

18. Halle Berry is a direct descendent of Thomas Jefferson.

19. Jimmie Hoffa buried in Arlington National Cemetery.

20. Kobe Bryant endorses a new date-rape drug.

21. George W. Bush is responsible for recession that began before he was in office, civil war in the Sudan, Apartheid, the death of Arafat, the Columbine massacre, the 1883 explosion of Krakatoa, acne and the holocaust.

Let us keep this litany of lies in mind before we judge the authenticity of his latest gem.

In Jose Canseco’s new book with the concise title,”Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant Rhoids, Smash Hits and How Baseball Got Big,” he claims that a large number of stars were injecting these nad-shrinkers on a daily basis. When George W. Bush owned the Texans, Canseco injected Rafael Palmeiro, Ivan Rodriguez and Sammy Sosa. Rather claims Bush knew about the juicing, supplied the drugs, did some himself and even traded Sosa. When asked if he was positive that these stories were true Rather replied, ”That’s what I heard.”

That’s good enough for me.

Hog Rock Chief Correspondent Doogie