Belt Debate

Date: 7/17/00 3:29:43 AM Central Daylight Time

To: MacFarlandD@aol.com (Macos), TomSommers@aol.com (Zip)

It wasn't me. I don't care about no stupid belt and I wouldn't accept the Superhog title now if it came with a chance to spend the night with Angel. Do you really think it would be cool to be included in a group of hogs that has members that don't even show up for a party. Sure, you guys were fun for a while but obviously, stamina and longevity are not requirements. Any flash in the pan will do. Personally, I think Macos made the whole belt thing up to try and make people think somebody had fun at the Hog Rock Café. Big deal, beer with pork under a tent with a bunch of big bellied bald guys. I thought I was in Georgia. No wonder the cops were willing to work with you. Not a single naked person, not a single arrest, not a single thing broken, not even a turtle. I haven't had this much fun since the mixers at the DAC.

Jammer

Just checked out the latest update on the website (except for all photos, I'll catch the rest next week). Love the Hogcam. Too bad we didn't have it in the old days.

The missing Hog Belt is distressing. When I first heard of the disappearance, only one name came to mind:

You wondered why you were never considered for Super Hog status back in the 70's, when Hogdom reached its pinnacle. You can't see the Hogs for the A-holes! To desecrate the Hog Hall of Fame, a/k/a Hog Rock Cafe, is blasphemy! The reference to fat guys obviously could not include the Super Hogs, who have managed to maintain their weight within reasonable parameters.

History indicates that Jammer has always coveted THE BELT, and I believe that his one goal in life was to obtain it. Having heard Jammer deny many things in the past, in fact most things, I conclude with a reasonable degree of SUPERHOG certainty that he is guilty as charged.

I suggest death by electrocution (Macos and I can figure it out), with one Big Mother cocktail before execution.

I think its time you got back in the closet. If I didn't have your projector, I'd tell you what I really think. However, I respect my elders and I believe you are the eldest of them all, if not the most mature. As stated before, I DIDN'T DO IT!! I don't have have enough energy to read a newspaper let alone cut out all the little letters for a ransom note. Remember, I was the one that said "why go when you can stay"! Why would I steal a belt that I can cheat for on an annual basis. If I really wanted it, I'd just rip it from Macos' skinny little frame. I suggest you and all the other so called "Super (yawn) Hogs" look for another sucker to buckle this belt on.

After talking to F. Lee Saltzman who is representing me in this matter, he suggested a test similar to the one used in the O.J. trial. Therefore, I am offering to try on the belt if it ever turns up to prove that it couldn't have been me. Obviously, I am innocent and you need to look for somebody small.

The more you write, the guiltier you appear. However, you do make some good points on your behalf, points that should be considered by a jury of your peers, drinking beers. Your point about not having enough energy for reading reminds me that your idea of reading is looking at a menu.

I have turned this matter over to the prestigious firm of MacZip & Associates. With all of their free time, you should expect a deluge of interrogatories, email, etc. I plan on having my deposition taken by Johnny Walker this evening.

I am always interested in considering an interest based resolution to a dispute. Your proposal re: peers and beers is particularly tempting in fact, I accept!! I am willing to meet you and any expert witnesses of your choosing at a mutually agreed upon venue in Philadelphia, Bucks County or anywhere in between to consider all issues at a one beer per issue pace. By copy of this communication, I am inviting the HUGE law firm of F. Lee Saltzman to attend as they are representing me in this matter. I am also inviting any other interested hogs so we may put this matter behind us once and for all. I am available any night this week. Please reply with suggested venues but keep price in mind as I have recently begun a BELT TIGHTENING PROGRAM!!!

Based on Jammer’s attached message, it is only fair that he be given a chance to defend himself. But I warn you Jammer, if it is a trial of your peers you want, than a trial of your peers it shall be.

I am sure than your esteemed bottom dwelling counsel F. Lee Saltzman, a.k.a. "The Cyber Shark", is all too familiar with the rules of discovery in such cases. I do plan to submit to the Hog High Court the attached photo as evidence that you were indeed in possession of "The Belt" the night of the Grand Opening. Having already established cause and motive for your dastardly deed, I am sure the court will find little difficulty concluding in your guilt.

I received this photo from your Brother-in-law Tom "Wendall" Casani. His lovely wife Camille took this photo not fully appreciating the fact that she was capturing a crime in progress. What was not so apparent was that her sister Michelle "Mik" Mathas was a coconspirator. The last line in the ransom note ". . .we will contact you.", was the tip off that this was a conspiracy. It is obviously from the cruel smirking smiles on both you and your partner in this heinous crime, that your intentions were no good.

Both Wendall and Camille have agreed to testify against you. Wendall summed it up best, "I hope they send that rotund, lowlife, brother-in-law of mine into a hole so deep he never gets out." That day will come.

The following Hogs have offered to serve on the Hog High Court. Pink, Areno, Pung, Bolts and Eggs will serve as an impartial five person panel of jurist (2-Theta Chi's, 2-Sigma Pi's/Super Hogs, 1-Lambda Chi). They can be bribed with beer only at a mutually agreeable neutral bar. I would tentatively suggest this occur on Sunday, September 10th, when Zip will be in town.

CC: LWSaltzman@aol.com, TomSommers@aol.com, BBlanch121@aol.com, Areno1414@aol.com, mdemiter@fast.net, PBSHREBIEN@aol.com, skytech@comcat.com, cbolton@sprintmail.com, sompa621@comcat.com, casani@tradenet.net

I have seen some low, cheap tricks in the past, especially from Macos, but to superimpose a picture of my wife on a photo which would lead others to believe that I am such a loser I would need to spend time with her at a party where nearly all the women were jockeying for a chance to be near me, is the lowest yet. No doubt Macos is jealous and dreamt this whole belt thing up to try and damage my spotless reputation. Well it won't work I tell you. I am confident that a jury of my peers will find the true no-life in possession of the belt and I will be found innocent.

Re: September 10th I accept since there were no takers for my offer to do it this week. I guess there is no right to a speedy trial for the wrongfully accused. Just name the place and I'll be there!! I'll even make sure I don't lose any weight before then so when I try the belt on, assuming the real crook has the guts to get it to the trial, there will be no doubt who it fits.