In the relatively short time that I have been attending the Hogs Myrtle Beach trip I have been fortunate enough to have had a front seat to some classic Hog moments. To name a few I offer the Eddie Money Ping Throwing Contest, the Shane/Jimmy Rookie of the Year War as well as the Cheating Scandal that spawned Snot Guilty and Booze's Evangelical Rant.
However memorable these events were, I do not think any of them has had the everlasting effect as last year's Boo Fucking Hoo incident that occurred during the same 60 minutes that you passed through town.
Before I explain how things have changed, let's go back in time and re-visit how this disaster got started.
On the evening of September 20th, 2007, The Denny Anzio Memorial Hogger was in full swing. Dale from the Ocean Dunes had given his welcoming comments and the local golf school pro was shamelessly promoting his teaching services. Most of the Hogs had fled back to the pool area in search of more free alcohol but those who remained witnessed one of the most audacious displays of chutzpah in Hog history.
The seeds of this outburst had actually been sown earlier in the day when Dick tagged along for what seemed like an innocent ride to the liquor store. Dick had nestled into the car with his newly purchased bottle of tequila when without warning he twisted off the cap and guzzled down half the vessel of Mexican joy juice with barely a whimper. I wasn't just shocked, I was impressed!
Needless to say this put the Frenchman on a collision course with destiny and by the time the Q&A session started, Dick was a roomful of combustible gas in search of a spark. As the instructor opened things up for questions someone from another group inquired if it was possible for a new set of clubs to have the "yips". They were obviously trying to bust on one of the better players in their group who had a bad day with his new set of irons. The golfer in question, who shall now be known as The Unsuspecting Victim, started mumbling about what a great golfer he was and any scoring deficiencies would have to be equipment related.
At this point Dick had become visibly disturbed as he thrashed and grimaced in his seat while trying to contain himself. However, when The Unsuspecting Victim mentioned that he only shot a 78 for the day he inadvertently entered the launch codes for a nuclear explosion. Dick stood up and in a most confrontational manner blurted out the line that will live in Hog infamy -
"You only shot a 78! Well Boo Fucking Hoo"
For a brief moment all of the air was sucked out of the room. The Unsuspecting Victim was stunned as Dick sat down with that "anybody got anything else to say" look on his face. The Hogs still in attendance were laughing uncontrollably realizing that they had just witnessed another moment for the Myrtle Beach record books. But when the laughter died down the tension did not. I thought that we might see some fisticuffs. Dick's roommate Maco sensed this impending dust up and tried to diffuse the situation as he didn't want to see his long time friend get the crap beat out of him by the clearly larger Unsuspecting Victim. His suggestion for a "Group Man Hug", however awkward and revealing about other issues in his life, did seem to do the trick and everyone parted company in a peaceful manner.
If the story had ended here this would be just another hilarious footnote but sadly such is not the case.
One can only hope that our friends Dick and Maco will make a full recovery and return to the Myrtle Beach fold next year. As far as The Unsuspecting Victim is concerned I have no sympathy. This is what happens when YOU PISS OFF A HOG!
Random Myrtle Beach Notes:
1) After a one-year hiatus Fat & Sassy is promising to return to Myrtle. Slim & Sassy is nowhere to be found these days.
2) Speaking of weighty issues, Shane, "The Man of Excess", has dropped 25 lbs. this year and transformed himself into "The Man of Restraint".
3) Vince will be returning to Myrtle after missing last year. His attendance was in doubt as he contracted a severe case of poison ivy while working for the Obama campaign but we believe this will not stop him.
4) The Coon Dogs may never return to Myrtle Beach. Chairman Pink instituted a new rule that all participants must speak English and the Cajuns have decided that the effort is not worth it.
Hog Rock Reporter Dave