Replaces Ronald Reagan
I never would have thought it could be true, but I must admit it now: Booze has replaced Ronald Reagan as my hero.
After a recent and terrifying medical encounter, I was diagnosed with a minimal, yet significant, elevated liver count. Whether this occurrence is a result of the incongruence of my poison of choice being Chardonnay and my political leaning being conservative, or if it is due to the small amount of Chardonnay excess in which I have recently been imbibing since my exposure to Hog Rock Café, I cannot tell.
What I do know is that I want Booze’s liver to rub off on mine. It’s not that I want, like him, to be able to down a 727 jet by merely closing my eyes, metabolize gargantuan amounts of booze, consistently play inconsistent golf, become the national leader of Top 10 lists, create a new religion with me as its center, not be Hog of the Year for my entire existence except one short year, step in a gopher hole at a cheap Myrtle Beach motel, upend the country’s air traffic control system, rent a car from the Philadelphia airport to drive an hour and a half to retrieve my car keys in order to drive my car home from the Philadelphia airport, or bottleneck the emergency medical response system with bogus exhibitions that necessitate immediate attention.
All I want to do is to be able to imbibe alcohol at historic proportions without suffering the consequences as my hero has aptly been able to prove.
Secondly, I want to avoid being a Johnny Cake like the come-out-of-the closet person Macos.
I don’t think Booze even knows what a closet is let alone how to come out of it. Words fall miserably short of expressing my genuine gratitude to Boozus for showing me “THE WAY”.
Totally in AWE,