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Breaking Hog News
Nixon Voted Out Phoenixville, PA – The annual Hog Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony held at The Grid Iron was about to come to a close. New inductees Chris “Cru” Rugh, George “Spuds” McAllister and Steve “Cricket” McMonigle had all received their Hog Hall of Fame Plaques and had given their induction speeches. The evening was about to wrap up, when Hog Hall of Fame legendary coach Andy “Wheels” DeOrzio called the meeting to order. Holding back his anger, he opened his troubled mind to the attendees.
“Fellow Hogs! We are gathered here tonight to welcome these deserving Hogs to the brotherhood of the Hog Hall of Fame. This is a night when all the legends of the past come to honor those Hogs that have proved their statistics are worthy of this lofty honor. It disturbs me greatly when someone chooses to snub their peers by skipping this most important event. I am, of course, talking about Nixon!” “I was never a fan of Nixon and I can cite my many reasons. First, it was Nixon that was kicked out of the Stables and forced us to find a new home and sponsor. On his death bed, the late Hog Hall of Famer Bill Dungee told me losing the Stable Hogs forced him to close the bar and lead to his premature demise. That really pissed me off, but I let it pass.” “I’m not sharing any secret when I say Nixon was never much of a fielder, but after he tore his Achilles tendon, he became a fat slob with no range who couldn’t bend over to field a ground ball.
I wanted to bench him, but I couldn’t put up with his endless whining. So, I put up with the endless Nixon Sucks chants you guys would make during the games. Looking back, we all got a good laugh watching him waddle down to first on a grounder. Some of the team started referring to him as Jabba the Hutt’s twin brother Jeffa. So, I looked the other way and let him go out there and make a fool of himself and our team.”
“The Nixon Sucks chants soon became a reality. When he was nominated and voted into the Hog Hall of Fame, I couldn’t believe it. Who in their right mind could possibly vote for him. I later found out he had spent many weeks buying off Hogs by providing them “oral favors”. Just more evidence that he did not deserve to be in the Hog Hall of Fame!” “Then at tonight’s Hog Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony, this no-good cocksucker doesn’t even have the fucking decency to show up and welcome our new inductees. For me, this is the last straw! I want to refresh you all with the Hog Hall of Fame Rules. Rule 14a states: A Hog Hall of Fame member can only be removed by a unanimous vote of all Hogs in attendance at the Annual Hog Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony. So, I make the motion to all of you that we invoke rule 14a and vote this cocksucker out! All in favor raise your hands.” The vote was swift and turned out to be unanimous. Not willing to take any chances of fraud or fake news claims, Coach Andy had a picture taken to document the unanimous vote.
However, the fiery coach was not done. He continued to make his case. “If Nixon had been here tonight, he could have voted against his own removal and successfully remained in the Hog Hall of Fame. So, he got the kick in his lazy fat ass that he deserved.” “But this evening’s vote does not completely settle this matter. Hog Hall of Fame Rule #14b states: Any Hog that is unanimously voted out of the Hog Hall of Fame is entitled to apply for reinstatement at the following year’s Hog Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony. Said Hog must receive 75% of the votes of all Hog Hall of Fame members in attendance to be reinstated.”
So, Jeff Nixon’s future as a Hog Hall of Fame member remains
in flux. Will he apply for reinstatement? Can he muster enough votes to clear
the 75% vote hurdle? What other “favors” will he employ to get reinstatement?
Stay tuned. One thing is for sure. You do not want to miss next year’s Hog
Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony! |
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