Shane the Prowler
Date: 4/27/2007 2:07:48 P.M.
From: David

Fellow Hogs,


In advance of our Sunday round of golf I thought I would provide a little fodder for you guys to use in casual, friendly conversation with Mr. Shane. Come to think of it this might even be good material for Hog Rock.


Last Saturday we had the Shane family and another family over for dinner. It was a lovely evening so the pre-dinner and post-dinner cocktails were flowing quite freely out on the patio and consumption was high. Sometime around 10:00 PM Shane decided that the outdoor lights from a few of my neighbor’s houses were ruining the ambiance of the evening so he decided to take matters into his own hands.


As luck would have it my one neighbor happened to come out onto her deck and Shane hollered across the way and asked her to turn the light off which she did. With no sign of my other neighbor Shane asked my wife if he could go over and knock on his door and ask him to turn his light off. In all fairness my wife did give him permission to do this however she did not give him permission to climb onto the neighbor’s deck and unscrew the light. Chalk that brilliant decision up to the Man of Excess.


Man of Excess


Shane was accompanied by my other dinner guest and when they knocked on my neighbor’s front door my neighbor was reluctant to answer the door because of the late hour and what he perceived to be as two “middle-aged hooligans” looking for trouble. So he watched in amazement, and fear, as they walked behind his house and proceeded to move a deck chair over to the spotlight where they unsuccessfully tried to unscrew the light. My neighbor thought they were trying to break in so naturally he told his wife to call the cops.


The cops arrived and quickly found their way to my back patio where Shane, the other gentleman who was involved and my wife all had to give statements. The best line of the night was when Shane said to the cop “None of this would have happened if he had answered his door”. To which the cop responded “Refusing to answer your door is NOT a crime. Prowling IS a crime”.


As fate would have it I was inside the house watching the kids when all of this went down. Looks like I was obviously watching the wrong set of kids. The next morning my wife was conveniently away at a brunch so I had to go over to my neighbor’s house to straighten things out. The guy was not real happy and I had to endure a lecture about how could these people be so stupid and how they almost got very injured. It was like being transported back to my undergraduate days as the Sigma Pi president when I would frequently get called to the Dean’s office to explain someone else’s bad behavior. It also reminded me of two weeks ago at Turtle Creek when I took a verbal barrage from the group in front of us that Jimmy had almost hit with one of his patented over-the-green drives.


Prowler & Bad Driver


That’s it for now. See you guys on Sunday.

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