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2003 Hogs Open
June 27, 2003 - by
Zip


click to enlarge


24th Annual Hogs Open
Complete Coverage

Hogdom Outraged at Areno For
Making a Mockery of the Belt


Mockery

Enraged Judge Jimmy Shots 79
Launches Law Suit


Enraged

Jammer Too Drunk to Cheat
Has to Withdraw


Too Drunk To Cheat

Hogs Stage First Annual
Pub Crawl


Pub Crawl Coordinator

Brand New Pictures


click to enlarge

2003 Open Pictures
 


Hog Appeals Court
Overturns Areno Mockery

Awards Belt to Judge Jimmy


Unanimous 9-0 Vote Against Areno

The Hogs Appeals Court ruled unanimously 9-0 against Areno’s mockery-win at the 2003 Hogs Open.  Even Areno voted against himself claiming, “I’m embarrassed by the whole affair.  It was all Macos’ and Zip’s idea.  I should know better than to listen to those two assholes.”


Embarrassed by
Whole Affair

Justice Bonnie agreed.  “It sounds like something Zip would be involved in.  He’s always got his hands in the wrong places.”


Hands in Wrong Places

Judge Jimmy was awarded the belt after shooting a legitimate 79.  "Normally I wouldn’t care” said the two-time winning Judge, “but giving it to the pathetic Areno was the last straw. It’s not like they could site me for playing sober. After all, I played with Doodle.  It’s the first scandal where I didn’t have to resort to bribery.”


Wins Belt
Without Bribery


Hogdom Outraged at Areno For
Making a Mockery of the Belt

All of Hogdom is outraged at Areno for making a mockery of the 2003 Hogs Open.  In what turned out to be an embarrassing farce, the Hogs Open Belt was awarded to Areno who carded a 28 after playing only two holes.


Mockery

The poorly-orchestrated Awards Ceremony became a total farce when Jammer had to withdrew from belt consideration because he was too drunk to cheat.


Forced to Withdraw

To make matters worse, not even the camera worked while trying to capture the bogus Areno posing with the belt.  The only thing that came off as planned was the inevitable self-disqualification of Macos so he could hold onto the tattered belt for yet another year.


Still the Belt Holder

Judge Jimmy was enraged when told he had been robbed by the woeful Areno despite shooting a legitimate 79.  "I've been cheated out of the belt before, but giving it to the pathetic Areno is the last straw.  I will use all of my considerable resources to get this travesty of justice overturned."  F. Lee Saltzman is handling Jimmy's legal protest which is currently being heard by the Hog High Court.

    
Enraged Judge Jimmy With His Lawyer

Areno was apologetic.  "I thought it was a harebrained idea, but I was talked into it by Macos and Zip.  I should have known better.  Now all I get for my efforts are pictures of my head on Jammer's body."


Who Cares Who Won the Belt!

But then the Hogs Open has never been about who wins the belt, because after all, who cares!  The event started with the traditional warm-up lunch at LaTaverna attended by 18, including surprise hogs Kat, Al Calabria and Roger Myers.


Hogs Open Lunch at LaTaverna

The Hogs then attacked the Pickering Valley course in picturesque Phoenixville with their typical drunken vigor.  Undaunted by the heat, 28 Hogs chose to compete. 


2003 Hogs Open Group

Most fared poorly on the golf course but were totally successful in getting their buzz.  There were lots of anger issues on the course, however, with several incidents reported even amongst family members.



Anger Breaks Out at the Hogs Open


Doodle Initiates First Annual Pub Crawl


Pub Crawl Coordinator

Not satisfied with the legendary Pickering Valley cuisine, Doodle initiated the first annual Hogs Open Pub Crawl.  "It was just common sense to break up a great party so we could have 20 drunken Hogs driving all over Chester County", said Pub Crawl Coordinator Doodle.  This was especially true since Chester County Pub Expert Eggy knew of the perfect pub for the Hogs.


Chester County Pub Expert

Unfortunately, the pub owner didn't agree, politely suggesting that the Hogs find another location.  Undaunted, the Hogs were on the road again, this time to the Boathouse where most of the Hogs were welcomed.  Unfortunately, Jammer's son John was not one of them.  Jammer was informed he couldn't take his own son into the pub because he looked too close to being 21.  If he was younger, it would have been OK.


Refused Entry

The remaining 10 Hogs were unfazed at losing the Jammer family, and proceeded to drink heavily until midnight.  Against all odds, no accidents or drunken driving arrests were reported.  In fact, the Boathouse gathering was such a success it will be made part of the Hogs Open festivities next year.


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