Shane Crashes Bike
Myrtle Beach Attendance in Jeopardy!

2007 has not been the kindest of years to the Man of Excess.

Man of Excess

The year started out with Shane on the disabled list due to a muscle tear in his hip. After countless hours of rehab he was on the road to recovery when some other private matters cut into his golfing time. Just when things were getting back to normal he was involved in a "prowling" incident (see Shane the Prowler) that had his legal team scrambling to keep him out of the Hoosegow.

To add insult to injury, when Shane was able to make it out for a round he was throwing up triple-digit scores faster than Michael Vick was burying canine carcasses.

But the incident that almost broke the man occurred in July during a Tour de France inspired training ride when disaster suddenly fell....literally. He was turning at the end of a high-speed descent when his front wheel slipped out from underneath the bike and down went Shane! A lesser man would have certainly perished in this gruesome crash but the Man of Excess escaped with his life intact. His injuries included a separated shoulder, lots of road rash and a few bumps on the head. What's that you say? Didn't his helmet protect his head? I suppose it would have if he had been wearing one!

The immediate post-crash pain was so bad that he could not sleep at night. It wasn't until the next day when he was able to get to his doctor to obtain the necessary pharmaceuticals that he was able to rest comfortably.

Officials from the NTSB who investigated the crash scene were puzzled as to the cause of the accident. One investigator, who asked to remain transfixed, said that in the case of the front wheel losing traction you normally find a patch of loose gravel, wet leaves or some other object as the root cause. In this case all they could find was dry, solid pavement. This prompted thorough medical testing by the international governing body of cycling (UCI) and although the official results have not been released, rumor has leaked that the level of metabolized red wine in his body was extremely high. It is almost as if he had been experimenting with some new blood doping technique.

When I visited him as he convalesced the Man of Excess was in obvious pain and a deep state of depression. Given the extent of his injuries and the expected long and painful recovery, his participation in the Annual Hogs Myrtle Beach trip has been put in serious jeopardy. It will be a miracle if he can make it. If he wants to tee it up at Kings North on 9/21 this man will need a comeback on the scale of the 78 Yankees and he is no Yankee! On several occasions Shane has said that he would rather cut off his arm than miss Myrtle Beach. (Note - When last seen his wife was gassing up the chainsaw.)

Fellow Hogs were contacted for their reaction to this tragedy.

Macos stated that he has no sympathy for what had happened and he thinks that Shane is just looking to get additional strokes from him on their side bets. "Tell Shane that we are starting out the negotiation by him giving me 6 strokes and it's going up from there."

"No Sympathy"

Booze weighed in on his cell phone from the scene of a fire investigation - "Never has a Hog fallen so far, so fast and so hard. Hiccup!"


Judge Jimmy said "First it was Barbaro, now it's Shane. Why even bother with the rehab? We all know how this is going to end."

"Why Even Bother With Rehab"

Will Shane make it to Myrtle Beach? Stay tuned for further updates!

Respectably Submitted August 9, 2007
Hog Rock Reporter Dave

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