Pork Belly Futures in Freefall

Pork Belly

Dateline: Chicago

Share prices of Pork Belly Futures (a.k.a. Hog Futures) were in freefall this week on the highly volatile Commodities Market.  The rumor that Jammer will change his eating habits and tighten his belt following his heart procedure rippled throughout the financial world.

Jammer to Tighten His Belt?

President Bush responded immediately, outlining a new stimulus package to offset an anticipated downturn in other major markets.

Responds Immediately
to Rumors of a Jammer Diet

Realizing that the last time Jammer started a diet was in the Spring of 2000,  Bush said "this new ‘Targeted Tax Credit for the Girthy’ (a.k.a. The Jammer Tax Credit) should have a positive short-term effect, and hopefully trickle down to the non-girthy over the long term, to prevent an all-out collapse of the U.S. economy.  We've targeted this group because everybody knows the girthy are our biggest consumers."

The Girthy - Our Biggest Consumers

Jammer would not comment on Bush's program but did offer the following remarks:

Mouth Full

Chewing

Going Down!