to the Editor
(Edited for the web)
I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for allowing me to attend that festival on Saturday. Your shameless pandering in the follow up message, however has given me pause. The message of gratitude to the long suffering Sally would seem too little too late. What a disparate pair you two make! Sally with her sparkling eyes, lovely face and engaging personality. No fun bags to speak of, but clearly a fine turd cutter. Macos, eyes lifeless from years of ethanol and cannabis, hair the color of Aunt Rhodi's goose, muscle tone that of a beached Manatee. Does she see inner goodness? Given your record of exploitation and rapine of your fellow man it must be something else. "Who cares" you say as any good Republican would, its kiss the ladies, shake hands with the fellows and you are open for business like a cheap bordello. This of course brings me to the guests at the party. Not a person of color there, save Flea and Eggie. One bloated beer swilling fat cat after another packed together like cords of decadent Conservative wood. More than one guest could be seen searching for scissors to cut eye holes in the pillow cases. Millionaires like Sly with their steely grins and sticky fingers. Psychopaths like Stopper begging for bits of the putrid purloined pie. My older brother, once a source of family pride, now spouting one reactionary shibboleth after another. Where were the Blacks, the Hispanics, the yellow men, the Native Americans? Where were the recent immigrants who have always added the wonderful diversity that has made this country a polyglot paradise? Forget about them you say, let them continue to drive our cabs and kick our extra points. Lastly, where were those less acceptable members of your family, the thief, the Haines grazer and the diapered dowager? We hide what we can not face. Again, thanks for the party.
Turd Cutter Admirer?
Words cannot begin to express the shame I and my family have over my babbling, liberal, leftist-agenda’ed, Chardonnay -sipping brother and his cruel off color letter. Just thinking of his liberal doublespeak makes me puke. Try to understand that his mind is poisoned with arcane New Deal thinking and he has lost touch with reality. Please spare him from your rapier like wit that he may continue to live a life of excess while ripping off the Medicare system.
Pukes on Liberals
I was really disappointed that Mrs. Eat a Beaver beat out Mrs. Give it a Lick for best wife nickname at the Grand Opening. I question if the fix was in. There should definitely be a recount with witnesses.
Mrs. Give It a Recount?
I want to apologize for the abhorrent behavior of my sister-in-law at the Grand Opening. I know our Fitzer family has a long history of smashing and breaking things. But please do not cast your net of revulsion to these actions so far to include me. I too have struggled with the “Bonnie & Clyde” image my brother and his wife have created over the years. I also dread when they come to my house and bust things apart. I have tried to disown them, but they never seem to go away. I would be willing to pay for the physical damage they have done, but will never be able to erase they pain they have caused.
Ricky—North Wales, PA
There was a particularly annoying man with a striped referee shirt and a whistle who was at the Grand Opening. He had all the appeal of a bad case of hemorrhoids and a wedgie. I hope you consider guards for the next event.
Hemorrhoid of Wedgie?
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Hog Rock Editor Macos
Hog Rock Editor