Debates of 1988
by Macos, Tom Sommers
Jim Loughran and Bruce Crowly
(Edited for the web)
By Macos and Tom Sommers - April 1988
NOTICE TO GEORGE HREBIEN
are being served formal notice that your tenure as a SUPER HOG will be reviewed
by the SUPER HOG executive committee on April 9, 1988 at 4 PM at the Lionville
Firehouse. The executive committee
will be reviewing the following charges against you:
Failure to attend an original SUPER HOG's wedding, i.e. Macos'.
to invite the SUPER HOGS to your alleged wedding (we’re still available on
Membership in a subversive HOG organization, i.e. A.A.
Failure to attend a properly publicized BRAINFRY, i.e. BRAINFRY IV.
Marriage to Elan's sister.
Substandard HOG performance (Bennie had a better year).
will be expected to stand before the executive committee and defend yourself
against these charges. A failure to appear will be interpreted as an admission
Title of SUPER HOG will be stripped from you and cast away like a used
sheet of tin foil.
records of your accomplishments (most shots of oil in a day(80), opening day
parking & concessions chairman, bouncing fat man in front, Quaalude tossing
with Woo, etc., etc.) will be purged from the SUPER HOG archives.
All other titles you have held (King of Sigma Pi, Rammer, 49th Street
Oiler, Hog of the Year - 1975,1977, Best Individual Hogger -
1973,1974,1976,1977,1978, Hog of the Decade) will also be cast into the sea of
oblivion just like the windows at 49th Street.
4. You will be
put on the SUPERHOG waiting list behind Flea and Jammer as just another
"HOG in waiting".
5. You will
never again be allowed to claim P'ville as your home and Nick and Helen will no
longer recognize you as their son.
You will be shunned by all living, dead, and future SUPER HOGS.
You will be forever referred to as George "Ho-Hum" Hrebien.
is extremely important that you stand before your peers and answer these
charges. We urgently await the opportunity for you to clear your name before it
is too late.
S@@t Yeah, F@@k Yeah,
The SUPER HOG executive committee
If you don't come, you won't be missed.
cc: Ben E.
P.P.S. "A SUPER HOG's mind is a terrible thing not to waste!" Flea Berhang
Jim Loughran - April 14, 1988
Received your notice to Mr. Hrebien today and
I am deeply saddened to read these grave accusations. However the shock of this notice stirred some of my still
living brain cells and this brings me to the point of this letter.
Accusation No. 1 is incorrect.
Super Hog lore is clear (or as clear as a Superhogs’s memory can be)
that there were 8 original Super Hogs. They
are (were): Dirt, Booze, Eggy, Otto, Pung, Zip, Bennie & “G”.
Macos was the first person to be selected from the masses and given
“Super Hog” status and as I remember, he was once “Rookie of the Year”,
an award that, by definition, is impossible for an original Super Hog to
I recognize that Macos has been an outstanding
Super Hog & has contributed much to the Super Hog annals (i.e. barfing down
the steps at Sherwood in order to receive “Hog of the Year” points every
time someone used the steps; master of the dildo funny face; has caught more
garters and bouquets, individually and combined totals, at Hog weddings than
anyone else; part of the “Hogger” Rules Committee; etc.), but he is not an
original Super Hog.
S@@t Yeah, F@@k Yeah
Bruce Crowly - May 5, 1988
- You ignorant Super Hog,
“still living brain cells” are obviously the ones which made you decide to
live in Saudi Arabia.
of memory and mathematical expertise must be recognized – They Suck!
Every other Super Hog, Sigma Pi, Democrat, Republican, French Hog, and
God, know that there were seven (7) original Super Hogs, which begot the “Hogs
Dozen”, which is defined by the following equation:
SH = Super Hogs
= Hogs Dozen
(and the identity of every player on the Stables Hogs)
As the oldest, wisest and most sane Super Hog (Well, one out of three ain’t bad), I clearly recall the original seven as follows:
also inducted shortly thereafter, when everyone recognized his exclusion as an
oversight. (Note: Dirt being an
oversight is obviously an incongruity, a conflict of terms)
Although I was never voted “Hog of the Year”, (A
title which I will probably carry forever), I have attended every Brainfry,
witnessed all of the legendary performances, and stepped in Macos’ Barf –
which is more than you can say.
Your priorities are in question and your attendance
at Hog sanctioned functions is deplorable (i.e. Benny and George have attended
more hoggers than you this decade). Now
that you are back in the area, excuses such as “my flight was hijacked”
don’t mean shit. We understand
that you couldn’t come, and believe me you weren’t missed.
As the self proclaimed SSH (Sage Super Hog), I would
like to see you return to the fold (No sheep joke intended).
Let’s get together and break bread (Followed by bottles, chairs,
windows, etc) for old times sake.
Failure to respond to this invitation within 15 days
will result in placing your name after Jammer’s on the waiting list.
mind was a terrible thing before it was wasted.
By Macos - April 1988
To the Brotherhood of Super Hogs
has happened to us? A once proud
organization that wrought fear into every Hippie, Bar Owner and Landlord is
showing signs that it is going through a mid-life crisis (Hogapause if you
will). It is true that we are all
getting a little "long in the snout" and our memories have been fogged
by a few too many Metaxas. But this
is no reason to begin turning on each other. We have lost one Super Hog and
shunned another. Enough is enough.
As we head toward our twilight years we should be trying to preserve our
organization, not break it apart. It
is time for us to "come together" and bury the hatchets.
Let us stop bickering about who was original and who wasn't.
We have come too far together. Let us "Give Peace a Chance".
is in this vein of brotherhood that I would like to set the Hog History Books
straight as we reflect on our proud past.
you ignorant male slut. So glad to
hear that you're still alive! I
always knew I couldn't stand the Irish, now I know why. Like you, they're all a
bunch of pinheaded nincompoops, whose memory is as fresh as their foul breath.
Your ignorance on the topic of original Super Hogs is as bad as that
bimbo-brained Booze. Hell, at
least Booze was half right when he said that four-eyed fat f@@k, Dirt, was not
an original. But to call that worm
infested corpse Benny an original, makes me want to come over and barf on your
steps! Maybe that last living brain
cell of yours can comprehend a little logic.
there 7 Original Super Hogs?
number 7 is well steeped in Hog lore. Is
it just coincidence that the mandatory two shots to get in times 7 Original
Super Hogs begot the Hogs Dozen 14?
it just by chance that the 49 in the Hog Shrine at 49th St. is 7 X 7?
a freak of nature that the Hogs favorite pill has the number 714 on it?
it curious that the Stable Hogs (A team whose core of players are all Original
Super Hogs) all wear the same number 14?
suppose it was luck that the 747 was chosen as the Hogs favorite
sheet of tin foil?
this exercise, let us assume that all the 7's and multiples of 7 are not random.
And, that they have a purpose, and that there where 7 Original Super
let me list all the known Super Hogs.
cross out the names of those who were known to have been post Originals.
let me argue your sad excuse for logic.
could not be an Original because he was Rookie of the Year".
the term "Rookie of the Year" has never clearly been linked to any
specific group or organization. My
own interpretation has always been, Rookie of the Year on the Hog circuit (A
fresh face if you will).
rookies excluded from All Star line-ups?
rookie records not included in history books?
rookies excluded from winning an MVP award?
if you assume Macos was not an original, and he became a Super Hog at the same
time he was Rookie of the Year, then how come neither Dirt nor Benny were ever
afforded the same title in their rookie years? As a matter of fact, if you link
Rookie of the Year with becoming a Super Hog, then I would be "Rookie Hog
of the Year". That would mean I was the first person to ever hold the title
of "Hog of the Year". It is not that I didn't deserve it, it is merely
not how history has recorded my illustrious career.
let me examine the careers of my detractors.
a bridesmaid, never a bride" has been his trademark.
Although he may be the oldest living Super Hog, he is also the only
living Super Hog never to win Hog of the Year. Although many call him a choker
in the big category, he has attempted to hang in there year after year with the
same act (turtles at weddings, closet shows). His letter indicates that he is
rapidly approaching senility. However, I am sure some day this old warhorse of a
hog will be thrown a bone and given some bullshit Lifetime Achievement or Hogs
Emeritus Award. He probably deserves it. He was my mentor, but never my equal.
brings us to-
wedding reception that featured Al Raymond and the Raymonettes. (Old Al really
had me hopping.)
of the legendary "Otto's Fondue and Culture Hogger" at Sherwood Road
featuring two full bottles of wine for a house full of Hogs.
of the team shots of oil record of 86 shots?
By the way the individual count was Macos-76 shots, Otto-10 shots. Otto
was proud that he reached double digits for the second and last time in his
All of the above.
No significant contribution to the annals of Hog history.
answer is obvious. As a matter of fact, when the Super Hog roll call is taken,
the last name invariably uttered is, "Oh yeah, Otto".
trashing another Super Hog is not my style. I have always preferred modesty. I
suppose these inane questions of originality are good for the Super Hogs because
it always stimulates a conversation and recollection of our past. It is curious
that maybe those Super Hogs who are most insecure about their own credentials as
original Super Hogs try to cast doubt on others in order to avoid a thorough
investigation of their own original status.
travesty is that these so called Super Hogs could railroad the greatest living
Super Hog of all time out of our ranks. George is undoubtedly the Babe Ruth of
Super Hogs. Nobody dominated a field the way George did. Granted, the man has
become a non-entity on the Hog circuit. But do you take the Bambino out of the
Hall of Fame because he can no longer hit the long ball? Missing a Brainfry is
serious stuff, but we're talking about the man who brought you:
Driving up the steps
Fixing the Juke Box
Sexual Frustrations Parts I &
Opening Day Concessions &
Quaalude tossing with Woo
Most shots of oil by an
individual in a day (80)
King of Sigma Pi, Rammers,
Chuggers, et al.
Hog of the Decade - 1970s
Hog of the Year - 1975,1977
And my personal favorite,
"Bouncing Fat Man In Front”
now the likes of Otto have the
right to call George, Ho-Hum? Let the first Super
Hog who would dare go one on one with George using any abusable substance step
forward. Otherwise re-establish him to his rightful position and accept him back
into the fold.